Staring into the glossy surface of the water, she lets the stillness flow through her as she kneels by the shimmering lake.
A slow inhale and even slower exhale as her body’s tension drains. Her feet and legs molding to the earth beneath her as they conform to her body. Earth and woman made for each other.
The sun shines exquisitely over her, making the volcanic veins just beneath her surface shimmer and dance. Her fingers sink into the shore at her sides as her head falls back into shadow with a piercing scream.
Birds scatter in the trees, small animals run a little faster, but the larger animals recognize their own. A predator in soft skin, with a shrill battle cry, one who is fire itself. They slink slowly away from it even as they envy it.
The water ripples outward at the sound, moved beyond measure to its depths at this creature above it. It can feel the pull at the shore line, the power in her hands, the call of her voice.
Drops of her blood meet the water as they fall from her nose and ears, but still her cry rings out. At the scent of her blood the larger animals scatter even further.
Knowing she is not only capable of immense love and kindness this predator in soft skin. But that she will set fire to the earth around her, blazing her own path, salting it after she is done.
Burning tainted bridges without hesitation and building steel in their place from her very own spine. Her cry fades away and the sound of silence reigns as the dirt on her hands mixes with the blood on her face.
She walks into the blazing sun, not caring of the eyes that watch, what is the uncaring weight of few when she is the hope and joy of many?
She travelled down a path she’d wandered many times over the years. Through the greenness of the forest, pass familiar trees with their broken branches and the new growth in its place.
Her feet brushing over soft moss and sharp-edged branches, the scent of blooming flowers nearby as she made her way to the fading light at the end of the path.
Once there her feet hit sand and she walked towards the shoreline. The water had always soothed her with its crashing waves against the cliffs on either side. A fierce caress to the jagged rocks.
It was a fanciful place, one of dreams past and present. It wove through her mind making her feel small against the oceans horizons. But as if any goal could be reached here.
They told her she should know her place wasn’t in the water, but amongst the trees. That she would never survive it.
But the ocean was much like her life, full of beautiful and happy things. It’s surface stunning, if at times unruly. Then beneath its surface when you dove into its layers, it had hidden coves and shadows within.
It was wild and untamed, never to be fully explored. Though few tried to look past its surface. She looked longingly at it as she felt the vines wrap around her feet. Whenever she got to close, they always pulled her back.
One day she thought, the water will welcome me, and I will be bound no longer to the fallacies of others.
You are not welcome here. With your hands like thorns.
With your arms like entrapping vines.
You are not welcome here.
With your mouth of poison.
With your words of despair.
You are not welcome here.
With your hands that shred.
With your arms that take.
You are not welcome here.
With your mouth of hate.
With your words of false love.
Go from this place, my body, my temple.
I will burn the memory of you to ashes when I rise from this misplaced self loathing.
Go from this place, my mind, my thoughts.
I will no longer give you the space you do not deserve, I will learn anew what joy is.
You are not welcome here in this moment or in my future.
You must go from this place and never return.
When swirling eyes of constellations met steady eyes of soil, new growth occurred in both the stars and the flowers.
When a mouth of sun alight with laughter was caught by a mouth of deep water, a brilliant display reflected back from the lovers’ connection for all to see.
When the hands of the strong moon were wrapped in the gentle hands of vines, a foundation was built and pain of scars past were lessened.
When a northern star found shelter from its many adventures and trials, and the shelter was called towards the star, a bright new home was created for both earth and stars.
When a mind of intricacies and dancing milky ways clashed with a mine of treasures, tunnels and soft places to land. A greater understanding was reached for both.
When the universe and earth came together and their horizons finally touched. It was as if a brilliant, stunning, mysterious pair of lovers that could never be unraveled began a walk towards the edge.
If she was a universe, then he was the earth.
His eyes warm and determined like the soil. Always changing, yet at the core steady and solid, waiting and watchful.
His mouth was like water, able to burn or soothe with every word and movement. Life changing like ocean waves that wrapped around his lover and rocked them even after parting.
His hands were like vines. Whip strong, weathered and calloused from his work. Showing what built him and what he would become.
His body was a shelter from every storm known to man, calling his companion back home after every wandering adventure.
His mind was a mine, filled with untold treasures and long forgotten tales, ones he revealed slowly to those who were patient enough to listen. It was endless tunnels and resting places.
He was like the earth.
Intelligent, stunning, full of mystery and care. He walked like there was always a destination. Rooted in the ground, with eyes up towards the sky.
She was a universe unto herself.
Her eyes held constellations undiscovered in swirling, always changing, yet ever the same patterns.
Her mouth held the sun and every blessed thing that could either waken her love’s soul or turn it into shards.
Her hands were like the moon, gentle yet strong, scars and lines showing the past, present and future of her life.
Her body was a northern star on the compass of a night sky. Always guiding her lover back home again to sink into her sweet embrace.
Her mind was at once a black hole where all the worlds wisdom rested in its glory only to be seen when chosen. It was the Milky Way with dancing thoughts and intricate lines.
She was a universe unto herself.
Brilliant, stunning, full of mystery and mirth.
She walked like only she knew the answer to a secret. Floating in the air, fully grounded in reality.
Falling slowly apart so you wouldn’t notice. Then all at once, like a tsunami, it rolled over me. The cracks in my foundation grew. I fell apart at the seams.
Silly that, isn’t it? How can a person fall apart at the seams? What sews them together to begin with? Is it love? Their history? Their dreams? Their regrets?
Maybe it’s everything rolled into one brilliant, blinding universe inside someone. So that when I was done falling apart, when my foundation cracked and the tsunami rolled over me.
I fractured at the seams of whatever had deigned to hold me together this long. Rising up from my feet, rolling under my skin, until the moon, stars and black holes of my universe burst through.
Settling on my skin like dust. That I slowly inhale as I pull the seams of myself back together each time. Now it twinkles on my skin, this fine shimmer against the darkness. The cracks filled with molten lava.
Silly that, isn’t it? To think of a person as if they had a universe inside of them? One made up of love, history, dreams and regrets. That spills over every time they come apart at the seams. Spilling onto each those around them. Tying us all together, piece by piece.
Love like love is me mapping the stars across your body with my fingers and mouth. Connecting your unique scars and marks into a new pattern every night.
Love like love is me draped over your body or you draped over mine. Soft hands gliding over skin and dragging through hair to soothe away whatever came before.
Love like love is me catching your laugh in my mouth just to taste your happiness because there’s nothing more stunning than that moment of joy with you.
Love like love is my lips skating over your cheeks to whisk away your tears. Wishing I could take all your pain and carry it until you regained your strength.
Love like love is how you know the little things like how I take my coffee and how I drink my scotch. Because they fit the bigger picture of you loving me while I’m loving you.
Once upon a time there was a fairytale based in truth, from lessons learned, shared with the world in sugarcoated bliss.
Once upon a time the reality of life was too harsh for minds and hearts to hear, so a story was woven like a web, around to painful an event.
Once upon a time the story spread like a childhood game of telephone, each person that repeated it making it shine a little brighter than before.
Once upon a time the lesson meant to be learned in this tale of woe was long forgotten until only those who’d lived it remembered the tale as it was.
Once upon a time the only hearts filled with pain were those that had lived the tragedies glossed over in the fairytales read to the children at night.
For reality is lived by us all, knowingly or not, and some burdens are to difficult to bear without a little sparkle woven in, and if the shimmer came from tears shed late into the night…
Who should know when mornings light fell, upon all who are seemingly happy as can be? With bright smiles and at times dark hearts, we all live in our fairytales to numb the bitter bite of pain.
Death became me and I became death in a time gone by. I no longer felt, it was as if I was floating while still experiencing immeasurable pain. Pain that would be the end of me as I knew myself.
I lost myself for a time, years went by. I didn’t know who I was. I only felt the absence. Death was so much more than a body in the ground for me. It was loss and grief yes. But it was also the end of childhood and life as I knew it.
It was loneliness in a room full of people. Abandonment from those closest and fear of commitment as I aged. It was finding a way to grow on my own and making mistakes I wouldn’t have dreamt of making in another time.
It was reaching my breaking point, filled with shame and doubts. No longer lovable or worthy because death had stolen from me what I could not seem to gain back in life. It was the knife under my pillow.
Yes, once in a time gone by, death became me and I became death…until the pain burned through me and I learned to stand again. Until I learned the shame and doubts were not my own. Until I learned that death was not a hated enemy or a treasured friend.
Death simply is. In the way that my living is now. Both have a time and place in our lives. We should not hurry it along. But learn to accept that it will one day come for us all. In the days before we can only stand when we are knocked down and continue loving despite the risks.