If I’ve said ten thousand words to you, there’s a million more I’ve withheld, quieting myself because I am bursting with words I can barely make sense of on my own.
They dance on the tip of my tongue, playing across my lips before my lungs suck the air back in and I let them go with a flick of my tongue across my lower lip.
At times biting until there is a metallic taste down to my soul. It brings me back to myself and I let it go. A small pain to save future misery.
My dark edges are difficult to understand, but we all have jagged souls from the people and things that have brought us to this point in our lives.
It’s only a question of how well your demons play with mine. And how well my demons accept your flaws for what they are. The sins of another are not yours to bear. But bear it you must when the time calls for it.
The past is not so easily forgotten and I have withheld a million words so that you better understand. I will not be a stepping stone, I will be forever or I will be a memory.
Give me everything or I am nothing to you. Give me your dark edges, your demons and I will find the light that is meant to be mine. In return I will give you all that I am or all that you can stand to hold of me.
Pain may come in waves over time.
But you have seen rougher waters then this and you still shine like a beacon.
You are the lighthouse on the horizon, a symbol of home and safety for the ones you love.
At times their ships have been unsteady and they have strayed from their path. But always you have guided them back.
A burning light, a solid haven planted deep in your foundation. Strong enough to withstand the waves that have passed and the ones that will come.
There is infinite beauty in your curves and stature, waiting and watching for your ships to reach your harbor.
Their silence kills what remains.
Their silence tells me all I need to know, even as they deny the truth. They are no longer sure and now their doubt causes mine.
All hearts are laden with baggage of the past, some pieces are to fresh and too heavy for hearts to overcome. They are to wrapped in bitterness and rage and will punish any that come after until they learn.
Learn that they have to lay down what they knew and thaw their heart, open it not just in thought to what could be. Separate it from the past and from the pain they have suffered.
Learn not to use another human as a stepping stone or temporary distraction for your rage. In that you do them a disservice and add to their baggage by telling them they are not worth anything more than what they can give to you when you call for them.
Their silence kills what remains, like a set of strings pulled to tight, on the brink of breaking. Pulled and pulled while your heart pounds faster until it’s breaking over you.
Waiting for the knife to drop that will wreck it all. A dull blade, already covered in your blood and tears from the attempts it’s made. The strings around your heart, once chains of steel. Now frayed and damaged. Past repair.
This time, this time you give them the knife they need to end it. No more dull swipes of the hand causing jagged cuts. Cuts your salty tears fill up each night so you look whole in the morning light.
No, this time you tell them to cut you deep and let you go. Or stop making you bleed with their selfish attempts to love you. There is too much fire in you to calmly accept a mediocre love. If I burn for them. They should not make me into ashes swept under the rug.
This poem was born from a collaboration with Sidharth of https://sweetdevil69.wordpress.com/
It was an entirely new process and inspiring experience for me and he was wonderful to work with. Be sure to visit and follow his blog. I am sure you will find something to enjoy or that speaks to you.
I dream about you, so wildly well
While on me, you cast your enchanting spell.
In me, your radiant spirit begins to dwell
& thoughts about you, make my heart swell.
The weary sun, gets overpowered by your eyes
Submitting to your grace, the teary moon, cries.
The envious stars, flame up the black skies
Dreaming about you, for me their splendor dies.
Nothing compares to the beauty you hold inside
I dream about you, for you are my pride.
But the distance between us, my heart cannot abide
As yearning your embrace, my desires are amplified.
Addicted to you, I dream day & night
Of our bond, that shall be blissfully bright.
Within me you breathe, someday we shall unite
& I’ll be enveloped in your love’s luminous light.
Till then treasure my love in your heart
Softly dream about me while sleeping in the dark.
Promise me, your passion for me will forever last
& our love will be a beautiful art.
Face set in stone
So composed you’d never know.
But look at their eyes and you’ll see a different story unfold
One of grief silenced by others needs.
One of pain bleeding into agony.
A silent scream leashed tight.
Until numbness sets in and they began to change. Not so you’d see or even notice until it was to late.
But slowly, over time, they evolved. They remained to those around them strong, steady and sure. But deep, down inside, they were unraveling.
Unraveling for all the feelings left buried and never expressed. For all the lost words and lost care.
So they picked up a pen and started to write. They bled into the paper what could never be right. Each character written from a cut deep inside, a wound that had went unattended for to long a time.
Until the paper turned red and their face crumpled in tears. Wet trails down their cheeks to the paper below as a silent sob escaped. Their fingers turned white from being clenched into fists.
Tomorrow would be a new day and the tears would be gone. But tonight the moon called and the words bled out with the tears held to long.
Don’t call for me.
Don’t call for me when twilight nears and you have finally faced your fears.
I have waited.
I have waited for you to show yourself these past moons and still you remained cold and distant.
Don’t speak now for it is too late for words begged for from a heart filled with pain and voice filled with tears.
Don’t call for me.
Don’t call for me when you reach out and I am no longer there to stroke a soothing hand across your brow and whisper words of kindness for your weary heart.
I have waited.
I have waited for words of kindness for a heart sinking to the ocean floor from your bitterness and anger to soothe the chaos of my mind and the burning in my chest.
Don’t speak to me of love and togetherness, you have said all that you wanted and few parts of it showed care for me. I am more than what I give to you. And you strive to give nothing to me.